Re-Visiting the Forsaken Blog...

So saying that it's been awhile is completely an understatement! However, I am back, ready for this to be a place I can share what God's teaching me. These posts may remain more of thoughts than "bible-studies" per-say. So please do not take the words I am writing as complete and solid truth. Please read the Word for yourself and let the Holy Spirit speak to you concerning the things written.

For those of you who may read this and do not know that we are adopting, we are! Well.. if it's God's will ;). You can read more of that story here: www.bringingthenationshome.blogspot.com.

The theme that seems to be weaving in and out of my life so clearly is one I have entitled, "It's all about the journey." God seems to be teaching me some new things.. or rather, putting together the past 7 years of my life in a neat little picture (one of many, though, I'm sure). It's exciting to me and if you know me at all, you'll know that if I'm excited about something, I want to shout it from the rooftops. I LOVE sharing new things I'm learning with those who want to hear.

SO.. here goes:

When I found out (a couple of weeks ago) that Lifeline wouldn't accept our adoption application, I was saying in my mind [and out loud], "He is sovereign, He is sovereign.." But in my heart, I was confused and hurting. I had a hard time focusing on anything that afternoon- even Caitlyn. Thankfully, the Holy Spirit quickly reminded me that I have been entrusted much- I already had a child- one that needed my attention that afternoon. 

This is taken from a journal entry within the past couple of weeks:

"Many times, as a believer, I tend to focus on my sin- what I've done wrong and how I can be better. Those things aren't all bad, however, what I think God is currently teaching me is: 'it's about the journey.' Not necessarily who's at fault or in sin- me or you. Not necessarily the circumstances. God is looking at the heart. He's molding and shaping us."

So instead of trying to figure out what I did wrong, or what I should change, who's right or who's wrong, or focusing on the circumstances, maybe I should be focusing more on who God is and how He's making me more like Him in this very moment.'It's about the journey' -not where I was, not where I'm going, not where I stand, but if my heart is looking more like His through it all. 

Thank you, Lord for continuing this good work in me until the coming of Christ. (Philippians 1:6)"

Of course the circumstances and sin in my life definitely matter- but in this season, God is bringing me to a different level with it all. He seems to be calling me to take a step back and think about my heart in these situations. 

Throughout my walk with God, situations like these have arisen: I read in Scripture to go, love, etc. and the surrender part seems to take FOREVER, but then when I do surrender (by His grace, of course).. God says wait. I've thought so many times: "Okay, Lord you told me to surrender.. and it took forever. Now that I'm willing , more than ready, EXCITED, You close doors.. or say wait.. or say no. I'm so confused." 

Two examples from my personal walk include:

He calls us to share the Truth of the gospel to all nations: Surrender. Done. Check. "Okay, God, I'll go." (Still in America...)

He calls us to care for orphans and widows: Surrender. Done. Check. "Okay God, I'll be a parent to a child who doesn't have one." (Door after door..closed) 

All joking aside, I have yet to "arrive" and I have so, so much further to walk with God, but I can say that I think the past 5 years of call, surrender, call, surrender have taught me that it's more about the journey and if my heart is looking more like His than it is about the specifics. Am I surrendered: to whatever He calls me to?

Am I making sense?

I am learning to stay in today. Stay in right now. "God- I surrender today. Is today the day you want me to sell everything and move to the bush of Africa?... No?.. Okay, then I will go about my day with my ears and eyes open to where you will lead. Am I to share the gospel with my neighbor today? No? Okay.. I'll wave a friendly hello and listen if they need an ear. Do I turn in an application to adopt today? No.. Okay.. I'll keep waiting and praying watching and listening."

Tomorrow is a new day. Will I wake up tomorrow and hear Him say, "Go."? Maybe. Am I surrendered? 

His ways are deeper than my ways. I am just thankful He chooses to make me apart of this story... the story of Him receiving all the glory.